When you get married you think about the house you are going to buy together, all the vacation trips and exploring you will do as husband and wife, all your holidays that you will get to celebrate together, and of course how many kids you will have and when you will start having them. Trent and I just celebrated our 3 year anniversary together last month. When we first got married we had a plan that we were going to sell his condo and move into our first house together. In September 2015 we moved into our first house together. We had a few conversations when we were engaged about kids and agreed that once we moved into our own house and settled we would start having more kids. So here we are 3 years later and we are currently going through our 5th miscarriage. Never did we think that we would have infertility problems specially since we are both pretty healthy and I've been pregnant before. Never at 25 years old did I think I would be battling a major battle with depression, anxiety and infertility. When I met Trent this was the last thing I thought would ever happen to us. This battle has been far from easy for us as individuals and as husband and wife. I will be honest there has been several times this battle has torn us apart to almost the point of divorce. That's one thing people on the outside of this don't understand with this battle is that it takes a huge toll on marriages. If Trevin wasn't here Trent and I would have gotten divorced. That little boy kept us together and I'm sure as hell glad he did. "Never at 25 years old did I think I would be battling a major battle with depression, anxiety and infertility."Thinking back to each miscarriage every single one was different. The emotions are different for each one, the grieving period is different, your body goes through each one different, the support you have from people change, everything is different.. At this point my emotions are just numb. We've gone through this so many times it's just normal now at this point which is very sad to say. Having gone through so many miscarriages it has taken the fun out of trying to have a family and being pregnant. We have to worry if we are going to lose the baby once we find out that we are expecting, we can't tell anyone until we are out of the "danger zone" like other people we know have, I stress about every symptom I have, I have to get so much blood work done during it all and in the end we end up keep losing our baby. I'm not writing about this to be a victim and have everyone feel bad about our life and our current situation. The reason why I am opening up about it publicly is to let people know it's okay to talk about it and this stigma about miscarriages isn't something you have to keep buried forever. I've noticed that when I write about it and talk about it the better I personally handle it. Of course opening up about it isn't for everyone but I like opening up about it so people, men or women, can come to me to talk if they need someone who has been through it before. For me talking about it helps me get through all the emotions on if but that's just me. My goal is to start writing about it more and having our situation be a place of hope for someone who is going through the same battle as us. In the end this is only going to make us stronger. We will be a stronger couple, family, parents and individuals. We won't give up and let infertility tare us apart and win. We aren't letting go of hope. Love, The Moseleys
0 Comments
|
AuthorMama of a wild child, 5 little angels, and a great dane and enjoying the wife life! Archives
April 2018
|